Sarah Jane of the Chalet School
by Paranoidangel (LJ
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Art by Laura (LJ | e-mail | comment) and Widgeon (LJ | comment)
Part 2
Even though school had already started again after Christmas, Harry hadn't been able to catch Sarah since he got back. The San was busy enough that he spent all his time there, so he had to wait until his usual afternoon at the school until he saw her. Even then he could never guarantee how much time he would have to speak to her. It all depended on which forms she was teaching and today, by the time he reached hers, he had done the rest of the school.
He knew, from what Sarah had told him, and from the snippets he heard at Kaffee und Kuchen every week, that they had to be careful what they said in front of the pupils because they were apt to repeat everything and ascribe their own meanings to what they heard. Before long all sorts of crazy rumours went around the school.
So Harry settled for returning Sarah's smile in greeting and watching her out of the corner of his eye as he checked his patients and told them this week's story concerning Christmas in London and a ship crashing. They lapped it up and, as usual, Sarah's expression never changed from one of scepticism. But he was used to that by now.
Once it was time for Kaffee und Kuchen Harry breathed a sigh of relief because at least here they could talk quietly and although they still had to be careful, no one would be any the wiser about what they were talking about, except Juliet and Grizel who sat nearby.
"How was your Christmas?" Sarah asked as she poured out their coffees. "I was expecting you sooner."
"Bad weather, I'm afraid. I was in Scotland and we were snowed in. Couldn't get in or out." He sipped his coffee and found it was just right, as always.
She frowned. "I thought your family lived in London."
"They do but I was visiting someone in Scotland." He almost referred to her as a friend, but he wasn't sure about that any more. Although he and Esther had drifted apart she had been more willing to change that than he was, and hadn't taken the news that well. "But I'm glad I went." He had missed the place too. Austria was similar in some ways, but not quite the same and as much as he loved his new home, he still missed his old one. "How about yours?"
She took a sip of her coffee and was smiling by the time she put the cup back down. "It was nice to have so many people about on Christmas Day. Often it was just me and Aunt Lavinia."
"As long as there were no arguments." He had very vivid memories of the sorts of things his family used to say over the dinner table. It was guaranteed to keep some of them away for the rest of the year.
She shook her head. "No, no arguments. Just three children underfoot and lots of chatter."
The three children in question included Jem's son David and his wife Madge's brother's twin children, Peggy and Rix. He had found them very well behaved whenever he visited, but three small children in a small place could easily create chaos, as he saw from their nursery. "The cold has completely gone, hasn't it?" He was fairly sure it had, but sometimes these things could linger.
"Oh, yes, I'm much better. Have been since before you let me out of the San."
Her tone was partly accusing and partly teasing, so he just smiled in return, unrepentant. As long as she was better he didn't care.
"I did a lot of writing with my free time and then sent a lot of articles off."
"Any of them accepted?" She had once complained that he had a far too an high opinion of her abilities, so had shown him something she'd had rejected. He'd read enough newspapers and articles to have some idea of the standard expected, and he honestly couldn't tell why hers weren't good enough in the eyes of the editors.
"I haven't heard back from all of them yet." She tore her bread twist apart, scattering crumbs over the tablecloth, but he thought he heard a hopeful note in her voice.
"There's still plenty of time," he said, trying to reassure her.
But she sighed. "If I could get enough articles accepted I would quite happily go freelance, then I wouldn't have to fit it around this job. I either need that or a contract, but I've got nowhere on either front so far. What's wrong with me?" As she spoke her voice grew louder and the poor bread twist was sacrificed to the tablecloth.
She rubbed her face with her hand, and he caught it on the way down. Instantly, she looked down at it and he wondered if he'd done the wrong thing. For a moment he could think of nothing else except the speed his heart had starting beating at, and the feeling of her small, soft hand in his. Whatever he had been planning on saying to comfort her went out of his mind completely.
So he settled for, "I'm sorry," and squeezed her hand before releasing it.
It seemed to do the trick, though, because she smiled.
That was the end of Kaffee und Kuchen and Sarah brushed the crumbs off the table into her hand before dropping them in her now-empty coffee cup.
"Do you have a lesson now?" Harry asked her quietly.
She nodded. "At least it'll take my mind off it."
He got up when she did and watched her as she went down the corridor to the classroom. Only when she was out of sight did he turn to make his way back to the San. Yet he couldn't put her or the touch of her hand out of his mind.
Now that he was free to be more than just friends with her he knew he was helplessly in love with her, and he had been for some time. He just wasn't sure what her feelings were. He didn't want to lose her friendship by doing the wrong thing, and yet if he could have more than just friendship with her he wanted it desperately. It would take him some time to decide what to do next, he thought. It didn't matter though; there was no rush.
It was Sarah who had suggested the first aid lesson to Harry, the last time he had been at the school. It was February and the weather was still too bad to go out much. She had been thinking of an activity to do to occupy their minds and bodies to avoid them getting into too much trouble, and this sounded like the perfect thing. Young girls had a habit of getting into all sorts of accidents, so it made sense that they should have a basic idea of what to do, other than fetch a grown up. She, Juliet and Grizel would benefit from a reminder too. They couldn't always rely on Matron being available.
The hall was the best place to do it, since it could fit them all in easily. Harry had come over specially to teach, since this wasn't his usual day for check-ups. As soon as Sarah had suggested it he had agreed at once what a good idea it was and either he wasn't very busy or he was able to fit them in somehow. Sarah liked to think it was because it was she who asked, but she didn't think their friendship was quite that close. Not for him, anyway.
She wasn't really listening to what he was saying about burns. Since she had burned herself more than once she knew the drill, so could justify her mind wandering. Instead she was studying Harry as he talked. He was quite handsome and he was very good with the girls: making their check-ups into something they looked forward to with his outrageous stories of experiences he couldn't possibly have had. He was always thoughtful and considerate, yet kept her on her toes, flinging back insults at her as fast as she slung them at him. If nothing else, he kept her brain working.
The only problem was that he had someone else back in Scotland, so he would never think of her the same way she thought of him. That was something she could do nothing about and it frustrated her.
"Miss Smith."
Sarah jerked upwards with the sound of her name and judging by the expressions on the faces of the girls, who were all looking at her, it wasn't the first time Harry had called it either.
"Since you're not paying attention," he began, and his eyes laughed at her as he spoke, so she worried what she'd missed, "perhaps you'd like to volunteer."
"Ah..." She had no idea what she might be volunteering for but didn't want to admit it and thus prove her inattention.
When Harry raised his eyebrows she realised it wasn't really a question. So she had no choice but to stand up and make her way past the girls who sat in front of her, to the front of the hall where he stood.
"This is a simple bandage," he said, and he held up his hand to show it to her. It had been there all along, she realised, she just hadn't seen it. "Roll up your sleeve and hold out your arm."
She chose the one nearest to him, which happened to be her right. She had an idea of what he was going to do and it wouldn't matter either way. It took a minute to undo her cuff and roll the sleeve up so it wouldn't fall down.
"Let's pretend Miss Smith has cut herself here." With his finger he indicated a line running across her arm just above her wrist. He barely touched her skin and she got goosepimples as it tickled.
"The first thing we need to do is cover up the wound." He took her elbow with his left hand, and she was glad she hadn't rolled her sleeve up enough to bare it because she shivered at the proximity of his hand. He gave her a quizzical look, but she pretended nothing had happened and he carried on, pressing the bandage to her arm. One end of it trailed down one side, the other he still held rolled up.
"If you don't have a bandage, you can use a handkerchief, as long as it's clean."
Sarah was trying not to look at Harry too closely, so she saw a few girls squirm in their seats. They were the ones known for never quite managing to keep their handkerchiefs clean. She couldn't blame them - she had been just the same at their age, and even now they never lasted as long as they ought to.
"Now you wind the rest of the bandage around the arm." He did so as he talked. "Make it tight enough to stop the bleeding, but not so tight you cut off the blood flow to the arm." He looked up at the girls, pausing with his bandaging for a moment. "Can anyone tell me what colour blood is?"
Most of them held their hands up and Harry nodded at Melanie, who replied, "Red," in a voice just loud enough to carry to where Sarah and Harry stood.
Sarah bit back a smile. Melanie was very shy and when Sarah asked the class a question she would only give the answer if she was asked specifically, she never volunteered. It was typical that Harry had managed to make such an impression on her. It made equally as much of an impression on Sarah too, which didn't help.
"So, if I wound this too tight," he held up Sarah's arm, and she just let him, it was simpler, "S-Miss Smith's arm would go white."
There was the sound of tittering and whispering from their audience and Sarah glared at Harry for slipping and nearly saying her name. When she was younger she knew exactly what that meant, even if it was reading too much into it.
Harry gave her a quick smile and finished his bandaging, tying off with a neat bow that she wouldn't have expected of him. "How does that feel?" he asked, releasing her arm and making her feel cold all of a sudden. "Not too tight?"
"No, that feels good." She touched her other hand to the bandage.
He nodded. "Well, I have some bandages here so you can all give it a try." He reached behind him and Sarah saw he had a picnic basket full of what must be slightly old bandages, judging by their colour. "Divide into pairs and collect one bandage per pair. When you're all finished, there might be a prize for the best." The girls were already chattering and he raised his voice to be heard. "Remember, not too tight, not too loose."
It wasn't long before a line of girls began in front of Harry. While he was involved in handing out bandages Sarah untied the bow and unwound hers. She couldn't help but smile as the girls began, after decisions on which arm to bandage and who got to go first. She could also hear complaints they were too loose or too tight and some of them had to start again after an inspection from Juliet or Grizel.
Harry took the bandage from her and wound it up while he watched them. "I hope they never need it," he said softly.
"There are first aid kits here and we always take one on any expedition. So they shouldn't. But you never know." She really hoped they wouldn't. Being out in the snow with Cecile was enough excitement for one year.
He nodded. "No, you don't. And even the smallest piece of knowledge can save a life."
Her eyes flicked to the crowd of girls all laughing and having fun. "I'm glad you agreed to do this. Especially in this weather." Although even on days no one in the Annexe would go out, the doctors all managed it somehow.
"It was a pleasure." He smiled at her.
Sarah smiled back, although she really wished he wouldn't do things like this, because it just made it harder not to fall in love with him.
Although the snow had melted and spring had finally arrived up at the San, the excitement was eclipsed by the new baby, even if it mean they were all working longer hours to make up for the time Jem was spending with his wife and new daughter. Sybil Margaret Russell, as she was eventually named, had been born the night before half term started at the Chalet School. It mean their house, Die Rosen, had been full of people, so it was a while before the doctors were invited over to see her.
Jem had talked at length about what the baby was like, so Harry almost felt as if he knew her already. More interesting, was his account of the naming party they'd had and the names the girls had come up with for Sybil, none of which were chosen anyway. Joey had apparently complained the baby was ginger and Harry knew her well enough by now to laugh and shake his head when he heard.
Things had settled down a little by the time Harry was invited for Kaffee und Kuchen and baby viewing, although Jem still walked with his head held high. There were so many people fond of Madge and babies that they'd had them over in shifts and today was also Sarah's turn, it appeared. Harry suspected a conspiracy, but wasn't going to complain at a chance to see her.
"Is she all right?" Harry asked Madge, over their coffee. "She was early, wasn't she?" Although he hadn't worked in that area recently, he could give a list of things that could go wrong with premature babies if asked. Although if there had been anything he felt sure he would have heard by now.
"She's perfect," Madge answered, with the same grin on her face Harry had seen often on Jem.
The perfect baby in question let out a yell and Madge excused herself to see what she wanted. Until now she'd been asleep and Madge hadn't wanted to disturb her. Harry had been wondering whether they'd get to see her at all, but it seemed like Sybil had her own ideas on that.
"Don't you know?" Sarah asked after Madge left. "Didn't you learn about babies in medical school?"
"Of course I did, but the effects of a premature birth vary greatly." It was a direct quote from a medical textbook. He hoped she didn't want him to recall any more of it - he didn't want to scare Madge with the list if she hadn't picked up anything from Jem.
"I've never seen many babies," Sarah admitted, setting down her now-empty coffee cup.
"Neither have I." He'd seen enough to know they were hard work, but it didn't stop him from wanting one in the future.
The crying had stopped and Madge was soon back with the now-quiet Sybil. "Come into the salon."
They followed her out of the Speisesaal and into a bigger room with more comfortable chairs around it.
"Do you want to hold her?" Madge asked Sarah.
Sarah bit her lip and nodded. "She's not going to scream again, is she?"
Harry had to hide a smile behind his hand. He hadn't seen Sarah scared of anything - or nothing she would admit to anyway, so it was amusing to see her fear of such a small baby.
Madge just ignored the question and directed Sarah to a chair. Once Sarah was in it, Madge, with the practised ease of someone used to babies, held Sybil with one arm and used the other to position the cushions. Then she put Sybil into Sarah's arms, arranging the baby just so.
As Harry stood and watched he felt there was a great deal more to babies than he previously thought. His eyes were drawn to the picture Sarah and Sybil made. Sybil looked up at Sarah with fascination, and Sarah smiled down at her and said, "Hello, Sybil." If it wasn't for the ginger hair, and he had to admit Joey was right about the colour, he could almost imagine the baby was Sarah's own.
He went over and perched himself on the arm of the chair. When he touched the palm of Sybil's hand she fastened it around his finger. For a minute he was lost in the wonder of this baby.
It was Sarah who broke the mood, saying, "She's so tiny,"
"She didn't feel it, believe me," Madge said, and Harry almost jumped: he'd forgotten she was there.
He laughed, and Sybil transferred her gaze to him. "Hello, Sybil. I heard what your aunt said about you."
Sarah grinned, and he guessed she had heard the same thing.
Before she could say anything, though Sybil wriggled and Sarah cried out, "oh," in surprise. Madge swiftly drew in and plucked the baby from Sarah's arms, and Sybil immediately calmed down.
Sarah jumped up. "I should really get back."
Harry raised his eyebrows. She had obviously had enough of babies for one day. He felt sure that she would feel differently if it was one of her own. "I'll walk you back." He stood up as well.
She still wore a thoughtful expression as they went outside into the sunshine and Harry wondered what was on her mind. Or rather, what aspect of Sybil she was thinking about. With the touch of his hand on her arm, she stopped and looked at him. Before he could get too nervous, he bent his head and touched his lips to hers. Although it was just the briefest of kisses she didn't immediately pull away.
Despite his heart beating fast at what he had dared to do he had a new-found confidence and admitted, "I've been wanting to do that for such a long time." Possibly it felt like longer than it was.
She frowned. "But you have... I mean, there's someone else...."
He shook his head. "Not since Christmas." He'd missed Sarah far more in the time he was away from Austria than he'd missed Esther in the month before that, so he knew he'd made the right decision.
"You should have said. I thought..." But what she thought he was never going to find out because she reached up and pulled his head down to hers with one hand on the back of his neck.
Her lips were soft beneath his and tasted faintly of milky coffee. He pulled her closer with his hands on her waist and never wanted the kiss to stop.
"Someone to see you, Miss Smith." Sarah looked up from where she was puzzling over a piece of marking while taking prep. Since the Annexe only had twenty two pupils they all had prep together in the largest form room. In the main school the older pupils were trusted enough to do their prep on their own and the younger ones were supervised by the prefects. But here even the eldest was too young to take on that duty.
So Sarah, Juliet and Grizel each took prep one day a week in turn. In theory, it was a quiet time to get some marking done, or writing in Sarah's case, but in practise there were always girls wanting help with something. For that, Sarah had suddenly found herself revising mathematics rather hurriedly. It was fortunate that the level wasn't above that which she understood.
There were also occasions when someone chose prep time to get into mischief. At least that wasn't every evening and didn't usually depend on which mistress was in charge of them. Today Sarah had been attempting to decipher some particularly vicious handwriting, so wasn't altogether sorry at Grizel's interruption.
She frowned at her, though, wondering who Grizel could possibly mean. If it was Harry then Grizel would have said, and anyway, she wasn't expecting him. He knew better than to try and see her when it wasn't her evening off.
Although none of the girls looked up, and at first sight appeared to be scribbling furiously, Sarah knew from experience that their attention was more on the two mistresses than on their work. Grizel gave no indication of who she meant and Sarah wasn't going to risk asking when she didn't know her reasons why.
So she just nodded and stood up. "Will you take over for me, Miss Cochrane?"
Grizel didn't have much of a choice, and her scowl showed what she thought of having her evening interrupted. From the way she was dressed, Sarah wondered if she had been on her way out somewhere. Grizel slipped into the seat Sarah had vacated, and Sarah vowed to be back quickly. It was always best to avoid Grizel's sarcastic tongue. Sarah'd had enough of that when they were at school.
It was looking as if the Annexe would have twice as many pupils next year, but for now they didn't use all the rooms, it was just too expensive. Juliet didn't spend much time in her office, so they mainly used it as a place to greet visitors. Since Grizel hadn't said where Sarah's visitor was, Sarah assumed correctly he was in the Head's office.
Inside was a tall man who looked to be in his forties. Sarah didn't recognise him, but he looked vaguely familiar, although she couldn't put her finger on why.
"Good evening," she said, cautiously.
He turned to face her properly. "Miss Smith?"
She nodded and closed the door behind her.
He held out a hand "Mr Stevens. Amy and Margia's father."
She shook his hand, politely, but all the time wondering why he wanted to speak to her and not Juliet. At least now she knew why he looked familiar: Amy obviously took after him in looks, even if she was younger and feminine. "What can I do for you, Mr Stevens?" She motioned him to sit down, and took the Head's chair for herself.
"It's more something I can do for you."
She frowned.
He reached into the inside pocket of his blazer and pulled out a sheet of paper, which he passed to her.
She took it and unfolded it. She was impressed by the letterhead, but then she already knew Amy Stevens' father wrote for a big London newspaper; it must be this one. "This is offering me a..." she checked the letter again, in case she'd imagined what it said the first two times she read it through. She'd dreamt of similar before but it had never happened in real life. "An unpaid job for the Easter holidays." She looked back up at him.
He smiled at her. "Amy talked to me about how much she liked you and your lessons and mentioned that you were looking for a journalism job. I thought this might help. I hope she wasn't prying."
She shook her head. "No, not at all. But Mr Stevens, you don't even know me." She knew well enough that the journalism business relied heavily on knowing the right people, and that's what she had spent her three years at university doing. She had hoped to make Mr Stevens' acquaintance before now, but every time she had a chance something would interfere to prevent her.
"No, but I've seen some of your articles. I know enough to know you'll go far. You just need a start, that's the hardest part."
Some probably meant all - she hadn't had that many published. He must have done his research well. There were tears building in her eyes. "Ah, I... I don't know what to say." Nothing she had done with her job here was in order to get a start in her chosen career. She'd done it because she wanted to and she enjoyed seeing her pupils learning.
"Thank you?" he suggested, with a twinkle in his eye.
She smiled as the tears faded away. "Thank you."
He stood up. "I must go. This was just a flying visit, so to speak."
Sarah stood too, wondering just why he was here and whether he had seen Amy or Margia. She suspected not, given the absence of information in Grizel's message and the lack of response from Amy. She wasn't going to ask, though, as much as she wanted to: she didn't want to risk him taking the letter back. "It was good to meet you, Mr Stevens. Amy is a credit to you."
"Why, thank you." He gave her a small bow.
After she saw him out she leant back against the front door, hugging the letter to her chest and smiling. Occasionally she glanced at its contents, which only broadened her smile. She didn't linger too long, though, not wanting to leave Grizel resenting Sarah's unexpected time off tonight.
She took a deep breath, stood up straight and walked along the corridor, trying to act as if nothing much had happened. It was the thought of Harry that sobered her. Although the Easter holidays were short this year, so they could finish the summer term before it got too hot, she had been hoping to spend more time with Harry. It hadn't been very long since their kiss outside Die Rosen and their time together consisted mainly of snatched moments. Now it looked like that wouldn't change, since they would once again spend the school holidays in different countries - she couldn't imagine he would get so long off again. Not when Jem had a new daughter to spend his time with and Harry wouldn't begrudge him that.
Harry would understand, she was sure, since this was hardly an opportunity she could pass up. Although she had been editor of the university newspaper as well as doing unpaid work on the local newspapers, that hadn't got her anywhere. This, though, was a big, well-known paper and their recommendation would go a long way. Perhaps if they liked her work they would even employ her.
She would miss Harry, of course, but she was giddy with the excitement coming up.
"Harry!"
He had barely turned round, his mind still on the patient he had just come from, and the heat of summer in May, when he was assaulted by someone small, soft and smelling of soot: Sarah. He pulled her closer, pressing the file he carried against her back and burying his nose in her hair. She had probably come straight to the San without even stopping to wash and his heart skipped a beat thinking what that meant.
She hadn't been away for Easter for much more than a week, but it felt like longer and he never wanted to be apart from her that long again. After spending some time spending thinking about his relationship with Esther and what he felt for Sarah he was much more sure this time. So much so that he'd gone to the shops in Innsbruck on his day off. He had almost regretted that instinct once he got back and he resolved to wait until the end of the school year before he asked her. For now a small velvet box lived in his desk drawer and no one but he knew it was there.
As he heard footsteps coming down the corridor towards them, Harry pulled himself away from her reluctantly. He really wanted to be even closer to her, but that would have to wait a few months yet, at least. "Come into the office and tell me about your holiday."
She took hold of his hand, threading her fingers through his and smiled up at him as they walked.
Once they had some privacy she pressed one hand to his chest and pushed him against the nearest bookcase to kiss him thoroughly. His file dropped from nerveless fingers and he tangled his hand in her hair. When at last she released his mouth they were both a little breathless.
"What was that for?" He was always gentle with her, afraid that his feelings would scare her away and she had responded in kind. Although he wasn't used to this kind of forcefulness from her, he had enjoyed it anyway and rather hoped she would do more of the same in future.
"It's so good to be back." She smiled up at him and stroked the back of his neck, making it very difficult for him to think clearly.
"Didn't you have a good time?" He half-hoped she had spent the whole week wishing she was with him, but he hated the idea of her being miserable.
"Oh, Harry, it was amazing," she said with a sigh and released him, as if she had more important things to think about.
"It is rather hard to tell. After all, you never wrote." His tone wasn't as harsh as his words sounded: he knew how long it took the post to get from England to here, although he had expected she might send a postcard to tell him she had got there safely. After all, that might have arrived here before she did.
She took his hand, and rubbed her thumb over the back of it, before giving it a tug and leading him over to his desk before he could retrieve his dropped and now half-forgotten file. "I'm sorry, I was just so busy."
He nodded at that, wanting to ask her if she'd had any time to think of him at all, but saying nothing in case her answer wasn't what he wanted to hear. He began to worry that the ring had been a terrible idea when she moved a few things on his desk with a sweep of her hand and perched herself on the edge.
"It's not built for that, you know."
Her only reply was a cheeky grin and another kiss. It was a while before either of them were far enough apart to speak again and Harry reconsidered his opinion of a few minutes before.
"So, what did you get up to that filled all of your time?" he asked, not letting go of her this time.
"First they had me making the tea." She made a face at that and he laughed. He wished he could have been there to hear her express her opinion of it to the people at the newspaper.
"But then a lot of stories happened all at once," she went on, "and they were short of reporters. So they sent me." She sat up straighter.
"Good for you." He absently counted the vertebrae he could feel beneath his palm.
"Then once I'd written it the Deputy Editor completely re-wrote it." She sighed and slumped a little.
With his other hand he ran his fingers along her cheek. "Sorry, old girl."
"Don't call me that. I know Dr Jem calls Madame and Joey 'old lady' all the time, but that doesn't mean you have to copy him." Although she was telling him off it didn't stop her from moving her hand from his waist down to his hip, slowly.
He smiled and pressed his lips to hers again. When he didn't call her 'old girl' for a while she asked him if there was anything wrong, so he was hardly going to stop, no matter what she said. She never quite complained in a serious voice, anyway.
"I just refused to leave his office until he told me why he'd done it. And then he made me a cup of tea."
He laughed and she smiled along with him. He knew Sarah's tactics well when she tried to get her own way. The poor man probably had no chance, or fancied her rotten, and Harry couldn't blame him for that.
"It did make sense." She sighed. "I've got more to learn than I thought. It's no wonder they didn't offer me a job."
"So it was all for nothing?" He frowned.
She shook her head. "Not completely. I have a lot more contacts now. You never know when they might be useful."
"No, you don't," he murmured, wondering what she would say to staying here with him. He wasn't going to ask until he was sure, no matter how long that took.
She brushed one hand up his arm. "I can think of better things to do than talking."
There was a playfulness in her tone that made him raise his eyebrows. His reply of "Better than words?" was lost in her mouth.
Sarah sighed and sunk into a chair, throwing her letter down as she did so. She sat with her head in her hands and didn't move until Grizel spoke.
"What's wrong? Bad news from home?"
She looked up to see Grizel looking down at her, a concerned look on her face. Sarah shook her head. "In a manner of speaking." She bent down and picked the letter back up, screwing it up into a ball. "The newspaper I worked for at Easter don't want me to work for them."
Grizel sat down opposite. "I'm sorry."
"I was so sure...." She stood up and threw the crumpled up letter into the bin a little harder than was strictly necessary. "If I don't have a job by the end of the year I don't know what I'm going to do."
Grizel shrugged. "Stay here and teach?"
"Maybe I'll have to." She gazed out of the window where there was a picturesque view of the Austrian Alps. They didn't soothe her as much as they usually did though.
"I thought you liked it here."
She turned back to face Grizel, leaning back against the windowsill. "I do, I just don't want to be stuck here forever."
"I know what you mean," Grizel said, with feeling.
Now Sarah sat back down. "Oh, Grizel, I'm so sorry, going on like that. But you'll find a way, I know you will."
Grizel gave a wry smile. "Maybe. But I was never one for patience."
Sarah smiled, remembering incidences when they were both pupils at the Chalet School. "Neither was I. But then, I never did know when to give up."
"There you go then. Perhaps someone will admire your tenacity and employ you."
Sarah smiled.
Before she could say anything, there was a knock at the door and it was pushed open. Sarah jumped up as Harry came in the room, carrying a basket. She stopped herself from approaching him because Grizel was in the room.
"Good news?" he asked.
Sarah shook her head. "They rejected me."
Harry frowned. "Who did?"
"The paper I worked for at Easter."
He didn't look any less confused. "I thought they already did that."
"No. They said they would get back to me and I hoped...." Despite what she'd told him there was always a chance, but she almost wished they had said no straight away and not left her hanging for so long. She bit her lip. "What have you got there?" She hoped he would get the hint that she didn't want to talk about it. She didn't even want to think about it at the moment. Harry's arrival was unexpected and she wanted to enjoy the time she spent with him, for however long he could spare.
"A picnic. I brought enough for two." He held the basket a little higher.
"Oh, thank you." She looked over at Grizel who was industriously pretending to read her book. "Let me get my sunhat."
They said their goodbyes to Grizel and stopped off at Sarah's room where Harry gentlemanly waited outside and Sarah collected her hat.
Outside, she took his arm and they wandered along the path up the mountain. She vividly remembered coming up here in the snow, chasing after Cecile. It had changed a lot since then, with long, green grass and plenty of wildflowers making the landscape colourful. The sun shone down from a blue sky and it was a good day for a picnic. "I'd forgotten how much I missed the summers here. And the winters." When she was dressed for them, anyway.
"They are very different from England," Harry agreed.
She cocked her head sideways to look at him. "Good different or bad different?" She couldn't tell whether he was that fond of the weather here.
He looked over at her. "Well, it is a little hot."
She smiled at that. It didn't help that he always dressed very properly, so wore more layers than were necessary at these temperatures. She wouldn't have minded seeing him wearing fewer clothes, but she never got the chance.
"But on the whole I think I like it." His gaze took in their panoramic view of the valleys.
"So you're planning to stay here?" She had wondered, when he first arrived, how long it would be before he wanted to move back to Scotland, or get married and bring his wife out here. Since neither had happened, she wasn't sure if she was enough reason to stay for now.
"For a little while. But who knows what the future will bring." He smiled down at her and she responded by reaching up for a kiss before they carried on walking.
She had expected to survive however long she spent here, not like it as much as she had. It wasn't as much as she had loved working on the newspaper for a week, but enough that she wasn't in quite as much of a rush to leave as she had been at first. Harry was responsible for a large part of that. "If I could stay here and write that would be perfect, I think." England paled in comparison to the Tirol.
He pulled her closer to him and she wrapped her other arm around his. "Can't you do that?"
She shook her head. "The Tirol isn't the right place to be for the things I want to write." Pleasant as it was, it was too far away from the action, and she wasn't well enough known yet to earn enough money that way.
Harry nodded and said, "Let's stop here."
They had reached a shady spot with soft, green grass and a good view of the other mountains. It was as good a place as any other. Harry unpacked the blanket for them to sit on and Sarah started on the rest of the contents of the basket.
"Is there anything exciting happening at the Chalet School at the moment?"
She wondered if he really didn't know or was just making conversation. The former seemed unlikely given the closeness of the San and the school and the latter was unlike Harry. But she answered anyway. "There is the trip to the Zillerthal for Madame's birthday next week. You must have heard about that." She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she laid out the sandwiches.
"Oh, yes. Jem mentioned something about it." He still sounded distracted, though, and he held a plate as if he didn't quite know what to do with it.
"Harry." She laid a hand on his arm. "Is everything all right?"
"What? Oh, yes." He came back from wherever his mind had been, and chose a sandwich. "It's not long until the end of term."
"Just over a month," she confirmed.
But Harry didn't elaborate on why he'd made that statement, just calmly ate his sandwich. So Sarah filled in the silence by telling him more about the trip as they ate. "The Juniors are coming here because it's too far for them to go, but Juliet, Grizel and I are going to the Zillerthal. Everyone's looking forward to it." Ever since the school started there had been an annual trip for Madame's birthday. In the year Sarah was there they had also gone to the same valley for a picnic and Sarah was looking forward to seeing it again.
"The river Ziller runs through it," she explained, "and we have to take the train to get there, which most of them find exciting." She grinned - travelling by train had rapidly lost its appeal for her after taking so many. She much preferred the destination to the journey itself. "When I was there we went to Mayrhofen and the pine woods there. The river was lovely and cool in the heat." She smiled, remembering how they'd looked for gold, although didn't find any, of course.
It turned out that Harry had heard a little about the place and asked her questions as they ate.
"I could have a nice nap now," Sarah said, yawning, after they'd packed everything away.
Harry laughed and pulled her closer to him with one hand around her waist. She rested her head on his shoulder and one hand on his leg. It was a better way to spend the day than fretting over her latest rejection. She didn't feel as badly about it now, although it was perhaps because she was becoming more immune to them. They never completely left her unaffected, though.
She still had a month to decide if she wanted to stay on next year. Juliet and Grizel were happy for her to stay, as were Madame and Joey. Sarah wouldn't be sorry to live in a place like this for a little longer but she had only intended to teach for a term, then it had turned into a year and she wasn't quite ready to give up on her dream yet.
If she was sensible, she would get herself a job in London where she now had more contacts, thanks to her Easter job. She wondered, if she suggested it, whether Harry would come with her. However, that was a little more commitment than she was prepared for just at the moment. So she would put the decision off until the end of term and hope for the best in the meantime.
Harry almost walked straight into her. He hadn't expected Sarah to try and accost him in the corridors of the San when he was at work. If he remembered her timetable correctly she had an hour off, but he hadn't expected to see her here. It was a nice surprise, though.
"Has something happened?" he asked her. He couldn't think of any other reason why she might be here.
"Oh, yes. Something wonderful."
He raised his eyebrows. She was practically bouncing and her smile was broader than the one she usually greeted him with.
"I wanted you to be the first to know."
"I'm honoured." Although he couldn't think what it was and didn't know where to begin guessing. "Don't keep me in suspense." Partly because he only had a few minutes free.
"I've got a job! It's a glossy magazine but they cover all sorts."
For a moment he couldn't quite take in what she was telling him. "So you're leaving?"
She nodded, obviously not thinking through the implications. "At the end of term."
He folded his arms and gazed over her shoulder at the wall beyond. "Congratulations," he said, in a flat tone. It wasn't that he didn't want her to be happy, he just didn't want it to be at the expense of his own happiness.
"What's wrong?" She frowned. "I thought you'd be pleased for me."
"How can I be when you're leaving me?" He stared hard at her and she bit her lip in response.
"I hadn't thought of that." Her voice was suddenly small.
He'd met Gertrud a few times, since he worked with her husband, and he knew Madge'd had to give up her job when she married. Harry wouldn't have minded waiting a few years if that was what Sarah really wanted and if he had a promise that it wouldn't be forever. He hadn't expected her to be that different to anyone else.
"But I still have a few weeks left, we'll just have to make the most of that time." She stretched out an arm to him, and he stepped backwards, out of her reach. He refused to be affected by her hurt expression.
He shook his head. "What's the use in continuing if we're only going to be parted?" Why had she even let him kiss her if she had no intention of following their relationship through to its natural conclusion?
"But I always meant to leave one day. I thought you knew that." She took a step closer to him.
Were they even on the same page any more, he wondered. "I thought you loved me. I thought...." He thought that she loved him more than her career, but clearly he was wrong. Perhaps he was just too much of a romantic, believing that love conquered all.
"I did," she said quietly. "I do, Harry."
He swallowed hard. "Goodbye, Sarah. Good luck with your new job." He turned round and walked back in the direction he had come from, even though it wasn't where he was supposed to be. If he'd tried going past her she would have reached out and stopped him and it was hard enough walking away from her as it was.
"You can't just leave it like this," she shouted after him.
He could, so he didn't stop, even when she called his name.
The office was mercifully empty and he sunk into the chair at his desk, head in his hands. For some time he just sat there, not moving, unable to work out what to do now.
When the door opened he sprang to his feet, turning to face the window, hands in his pockets.
"Harry?" It was Jack. "I've been waiting for you..." Harry heard him come closer. "Is something wrong?"
Harry sighed and turned round. "I'm sorry, old chap," he replied, trying to sound far more jolly than he was. "I'll be right there." Mustering something of a smile, he started towards the door.
Jack stopped him with a hand to his chest. "What's happened?"
They might not have seen each other for a few years, but Harry and Jack had been good friends at university and that still continued. If there was one person Harry wouldn't be able to shrug this off with, it was Jack. "Me and Sarah," he began, and then stopped to take a deep breath as he tried to decide what to say. "We're not together any more."
Jack frowned. "Why not? I thought the two of you were--"
Harry cut him off before he could say the words. "So did I, but she didn't. She's going back to England to start her journalism career."
"I'm sorry." Jack's expression immediately changed from worried to sympathetic.
"Will you take over my duties at the Annexe for the rest of the term?"
"If you want, but you can't just avoid her."
"Yes, I can." Harry slipped around Jack and opened the door. "Come on, we have patients to see."
He was glad Jack got the hint because he said no more about it and concentrated his talk on work. If the rest of the term went the same way and he never had to discuss Sarah again he might just manage to keep going.
Harry hadn't just been avoiding her, he was hiding, Sarah determined. She had ended up being more upset over getting a job offer than she had by any of her rejections, so she had decided to wait until Harry came to the Annexe for his usual afternoon of check-ups. Except he'd sent Dr Jack instead, who hadn't been very willing to discuss Harry with her.
So, once she had some time off when she was sure Harry wouldn't be working, she sought him out. When she enquired she discovered he had been working more often than not and now she was worried about him on top of everything else. She felt sure if they could just discuss it they could work something out, as long as she could find him first.
Boldly, she walked into the San and found him just around the corner from the front entrance. The next thing she knew he turned round and practically ran away from her. Undeterred, she decided on a more stealthy approach and following him without him noticing. Once he went into the office and the door swung shut behind him she knew he was trapped. She hadn't been able to follow him into patients' rooms, but here she could.
She had one hand on the doorknob when it opened suddenly and Harry stood immediately opposite her. For a moment she thought he might shut the door on her, he looked so shocked at seeing her.
"I just want to talk to you," she said, hoping that he might actually listen.
"I'm busy." He went round her, taking care not to brush past her at all.
"I'll wait then." She opened the door but didn't quite go in, waiting to see what he would do.
He sighed and looked back at her. "Five minutes," he promised.
She smiled at her victory, but not so he could see. She wasn't quite sure how long he would really be, but she was prepared to wait as long as it took. He would have to come back here some time. She sat herself down at Harry's neat desk: he didn't spend much time at it, so it wasn't a surprise that it wasn't more messy.
However, there was only so long she could sit there with nothing to do and she knew better than to poke through confidential files. The only books kept in here were medical texts, which were dull and dry and liable to put her to sleep. It had been longer than five minutes already and it occurred to her that there was nothing to stop him from leaving. Usually Harry was as good as his word, but she wasn't quite so sure any more. If she could just think of what to say to make things better she would write a note. Perhaps she would make a start and see if anything came to her - that had been known to work on occasion.
She looked around his desk for a scrap of paper she could use, but the only pile of paper on there was all used. So she opened the top drawer of his desk and cast about in there. The drawer looked like he'd thrown any old thing in it without much regard for what it was supposed to contain. Clearly his life wasn't as ordered as it first appeared. The paper was easy to find and when she took the notepad out she came across a pencil. On closer inspection she discovered it had only been sharpened on one side. With a sigh she put it back and watched as it rolled towards the back of the drawer and hit a small velvet box.
Frowning, she pulled it out and opened it curiously. Her mouth went suddenly dry as it revealed the ring inside. Her mind raced, trying to think of an explanation other than the obvious, but if there was one, she couldn't see it.
As she sat there holding it, the door opened and Harry stood framed in the doorway, just as still as she was. Gently, Sarah put the box down on his desk and pushed it closed, not wanting to see the ring any more.
Harry shut the door behind him, but didn't advance any further into the room. Sarah bit her lip, but for once she couldn't think of a single thing to say.
"What would you have said if I'd asked earlier?"
Her gaze flicked to the box, but before she could say anything Harry spoke again.
"Don't answer that. I don't think I'd like either answer."
It was just as well because she knew she would have been terribly tempted to say yes. And after that, who knows what might have happened.
The silence grew between them until it almost became big enough to have a life of its own. At last, Harry broke it when he pulled a chair up to his desk and sat on it. "You said you wanted to talk."
She nodded. She had known exactly what she wanted to say, but now it just didn't seem to fit. "I thought we could still be friends." She'd never wanted to lose his friendship, and now she wished she had foregone the wonderful few months they had been more, so she wouldn't have had to lose him now.
He shook his head. "I can't."
Of course it wouldn't be easy, but he could at least try. "I can't leave it like this. I love you, Harry." It was the first time she said it and it sounded desperate. It matched how she was starting to feel.
"Then stay with me."
He sat so still and she wished he would do something to break the tension in the room. "I didn't mean for it to happen like this." She sat forward on her seat, remembering what she had wanted to discuss. "You could come to London with me."
"What for?" He frowned.
"We could keep it a secret; tell people you're my brother or something." If only it was possible for her to work and be married then they wouldn't have this problem. But it wasn't and she had to live with it, as much as she wished it was different. One day her writing would change the world, she hoped, but it could only happen slowly. And it wouldn't be fast enough for her to have a husband and a career.
He shook his head. "I won't lie to everyone. And we'd only be found out."
She sighed. She knew he was right but she had to try something. It wasn't as if they could carry on the way they were. One of her classmates at university had been thrown out when it was revealed that she was pregnant and unmarried. Sarah might not always toe the line when it came to doing what society expected of her, but that was too much of a scandal, even for her. Harry too, she suspected. "At least I'm trying to find a solution."
"You made your choice. Now we both have to live with it."
He didn't look like he was living with it very well. In only a few days he'd got thinner and had circles under his eyes. She wanted to go over to him; smooth over the wrinkles and kiss him better. She wondered what he would do if she tried it, but he wasn't sounding his most friendly, and she didn't dare.
Nothing she could say would make a difference. Maybe if she had more time, she could change his mind, but soon she would be far away and out of his life. Sarah wasn't a quitter but she knew when she had lost. She got up and made to leave. At the door, she turned back to make one last attempt at making things better between the two of them. "You will say goodbye before I leave, won't you?"
"I don't know." He wouldn't meet her eyes.
"Of all the things I'll miss about this place...." She trailed off, sure he would understand without her needing to finish the sentence out loud.
As she hesitated on the threshold, he looked up and their eyes met. For a moment she couldn't remember why she was leaving; why she was leaving him. Perhaps he was right and they couldn't be friends.
Sitting at his desk, staring into space, Harry gradually became aware he was being watched. It was something he'd done a lot since the last time he saw Sarah. He was thinking of her, as always, but he'd never been found out until now. He look up to see Jem standing on the other side of the room. Harry didn't say anything, just waited for the other man to speak.
"You've been here for nearly a year now. I'd like to think we were friends."
Harry nodded. He wasn't as good friends with Jem as Jack was, but he liked and respected the older man.
"So if you won't talk to Jack, how about talking to me instead?"
Harry sighed. "There's no law that says I have to discuss my life with anyone." He came out a little harsher than he intended, but if it made Jem leave him alone, then he didn't mind. He just had to get through today, then he would apologise.
"You know Sarah's leaving today." Jem sat in the chair that Jack had left opposite Harry's desk yesterday.
"I could hardly forget."
"Aren't you going to see her off?"
They'd had a party to celebrate Sarah's new career, he remembered. Harry had offered to stay at the San so Jack and Jem could go, although he hadn't really got much work done that evening. "I've said everything I need to say." There were other things he could say, but nothing that would help. It was much too late for her to change her mind now. And yet, if she did, he would probably forgive her.
"You'll regret not going more than you'll regret staying here."
Harry sighed, giving in if only to shut Jem up. "All right, you've convinced me." He didn't have to get that close to her, or even speak to her. As long as he was out of the San he was safe from Jem's meddling, however well intentioned it was.
When he stood up, Jem got up too and pulled a key from his pocket. "Why don't you drive her to the station?"
Harry gave him a look. He was not happy about being blind sided like this.
Jem shrugged and held the key out. "Someone has to."
"All right, you win." Harry took it from him.
Jem didn't smile. "It wasn't a battle."
It was from Harry's perspective, but he admitted defeat graciously and walked down to the Annexe with Jem following. At least they went in silence - Harry hadn't been looking forward to hearing more of Jem's opinions on the subject. He'd had enough from Jack as it was.
Once there, Harry let Jem go on ahead, while he hung back. There was quite a crowd of people around Sarah, including Juliet, Grizel, Madge, Joey and Robin as well as Jack and Jem. Harry watched as Sarah hugged them and promised to write, smiling all the time. Usually he wouldn't be able to help himself from smiling at the sight, but today he swallowed hard and didn't take his eyes from her.
One by one everyone else melted away, or was dragged away in Jack's case, and it was impossible for Harry to stay unnoticed, if he ever had been. Slowly, he walked over to Sarah and picked up her case.
She frowned in the direction Jem and Madge had gone. "Dr Jem offered to drive me."
"And he volunteered me for the job."
She nodded and followed him to the car. Usually she would complain that she was perfectly capable of carrying her case herself, but she didn't and for once Harry wished she would. Their relationship had been teasing from the start and this forced politeness didn't sit well with him.
Sarah gazed out of the window as he drove carefully, since he was not as familiar with the roads as Jem. "I'm going to miss it here," she said, wistfully.
He refrained from pointing out that it had been her decision to leave - no one had forced her. "You can always come back sometime."
She looked over at him. "Can I?"
At least he had a good reason to keep his eyes on the road and not turn his head towards his passenger. "I won't stop you." No one could stop Sarah when she really wanted something, but still, it wasn't his place to tell her what to do. Although he wondered what would happen if she decided to come and pay a visit in a year's time. He could probably avoid her if necessary.
Their conversation faltered after that and Harry put all his concentration on getting them both to the station safely. When they arrived he opened the boot to pull her case out and their hands reached it at the same time.
"I can do that," she said, not letting go.
He wished he could do something about the way his heart still sped up at her touch. He gripped the handle harder. "I'll put you on the train if it's the last thing I do."
She took a step back at the venom in his voice. He hadn't intended it, but he was angry at what she had done, it was just easier to hide it when she wasn't around. She looked very small of a sudden and stood and watched as he manoeuvred her case from the car to the waiting train, all the while not saying a word.
When he stepped down he moved away from the door to give her space to board, but she stayed where she was.
"I'll miss you too," she said and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder, just as she had done many times before.
He knew he shouldn't, but he hugged her in return, pressing her close to him. It would be so easy to stay like this; to beg her to stay. He didn't dare say anything, in case the words slipped out without him meaning for them to.
When she lifted her head and looked up at him her eyes were watery. She leaned her head forward and for a moment she was close enough to kiss easily. But he knew if he did that he would never be able to let her go and it wasn't exactly easy now.
She turned her head to press a kiss to his cheek before turning and disappearing into the depths of the train.
He let out a sigh: half relief and half disappointment. He watched the train leave and when it was out of sight he touched his fingers to his cheek. He could still feel her warm breath against his neck and the wetness of her lips.